Alsop's Small Thoughts

When Is A Bank Not A Bank?

Answer: When you can't get them to honor cash.

I finally had a customer service experience this morning worth blogging about, to break my long dry spell. I figure that, in the current economy, companies are being extra nice so it's harder to find really dumb customer service. (Indeed, I've noticed that I'm getting actual email from companies that used to be too good to send email, like the Four Seasons and Ritz Carlton hotel chains.) I even had the experience of taking four different flights on two different airlines on Sunday and every single flight left exactly on time and three of them arrived early! Even the airlines are making my night job rough. But I'm still on the job, looking for egregious service situations to report to you, my dear, loyal readers!

And I am thrilled to report that it is my old nemesis Wells Fargo that continues to meet my expectations. I have to get a new passport to replace the one that was stolen, and I need it in a hurry because I'm headed to New Zealand in 10 days. So I went to the SF City Hall passport office because it opens at 8am (the USPS offices open at 9:30am). They forgot to mention on the phone yesterday that the feds don't take cash, so I had to go buy a money order with all the cash I'd just gotten out of Wells Fargo's ATM. I went back to the Wells Fargo branch, figuring what better place to use cash to buy a money order than a bank! The sign says that the line is for Wells Fargo "Members" but I thought they were just being cute.

But, no, the lady behind the bullet proof glass (it is City Hall Plaza, where the homeless like to hang out) required that I produce the Wells Fargo debit card to verify my account number. I observed that I was a buying a money order (a negotiable security) with cash (also a negotiable security) and that a bank was a depository of cash. (Well, I didn't sound that sophisticated; it came out more like, "But you're a bank!") I walked out muttering about how Wells Fargo has forgotten how to be a bank and that there was a good reason that I took all of my money out of that institution four years ago. (And remembering that Wells Fargo screwed one of my companies by buying auction rate securities in a cash account without asking for permission.)

I turned left, found a Fedex office two doors down, bought the money order for cash (no ID needed) without even talking to the gentleman behind the counter (who looked like he might not have total command of the English language anyway), all in less than 120 seconds. The passport office accepted the money order and promised to get my new passport ready for pick up next Wednesday!

In which part of its corporate body has Wells Fargo stuck its head, when it can't even match city employees for quality of customer service?

Over Caffeinated Travel Alerts

You'll have to be dedicated to reading rants about United Airlines to get through this one, but I couldn't resist documenting this online for posterity! I had a reservation on UA 844, departing SFO for LAX at 2:59pm on Monday, October 27. What happened that afternoon was a classic!

At 12:11pm, before I left the office (I parked my car at the airport), I received a re-assuring confirmation that the flight was due to leave on time.

Monday, October 27, 2008 12:11 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES DEPARTURE REMINDER MESSAGE **

The following flight is scheduled for departure:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 844

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

Gate: 73 (Gate is subject to change)

Estimated Departure Time: 2:59 p.m.on time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight times are subject to change. Please check the flight information monitors at the airport.

Being a diligent traveler, I left the office around 12:40pm. As I was pulling away I got the following flight cancellation notice. I also got an automated phone call, to United's credit.

Monday, October 27, 2008 12:51 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT CANCELLATION MESSAGE **

The following flight has been cancelled:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 844

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We may have already booked you on an alternate flight. Please contact a United Customer Service Representative or call United Reservations at 1-800-241-6522.

We apologize for any inconvenience this may have caused.

As a result of the phone notification, I called United from my car and managed to rebook myself on the next flight, UA 119. Shortly after that, while still driving toward the airport, I got another (presumably re-assuring) notification that this flight was on time.

Monday, October 27, 2008 1:13 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES DEPARTURE REMINDER MESSAGE **

The following flight is scheduled for departure:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 119

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

Gate: 74 (Gate is subject to change)

Estimated Departure Time: 3:58 p.m.on time

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight times are subject to change. Please check the flight information monitors at the airport.

Shortly after I parked my car and got into the airport, I received the following rebooking message, which startled me. I calmed down when I realized that United had rebooked me automatically from the cancelled flight. I was only amused (instead of enraged) that they had rebooked me on a flight for the following day, just to get to Los Angeles, to which they must have at least 14 or more flights a day.

Monday, October 27, 2008 1:22 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT REBOOKING MESSAGE **

Dear ALSOP / STEWART MR II,

We regret to inform you that a delay has affected the following flight(s):

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 844

Operated By: United Airlines

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles (LAX)

Date: October 27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We have made additional arrangements for you on the best available, alternate flight. Your new itinerary is:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 1153

Operated By: United Airlines

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Departing: 6:11 a.m.

Traveling To: Los Angeles (LAX)

Arriving: 7:37 a.m.

Date: October 28

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I checked in to get my boarding pass, the gate agent offered to put me on a 12:50pm flight that had not yet left and was then scheduled for a 2:30pm departure. I would have had to scramble through security to make that flight (in less than 30 minutes), but I had scheduled a meeting with one of my CEOs at the airport so I kept my rebooked reservation on the 3:58pm departure. Then, after my meeting and getting through security on a reasonably leisurely basis, I get the following notification that my rebooked flight is going to be delayed by at least 90 minutes (from 3:58pm to 5:21pm).

Monday, October 27, 2008 2:30 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT UPDATE MESSAGE **

The following flight time has been revised:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 119

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

Gate: 70 (Gate is subject to change)

Estimated Departure Time: 5:21 p.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight times are subject to change. Please check the flight information monitors at the airport.

Resigned to living with what appeared to be chaos in United's flights going to LAX, I wandered by the gate for that 12:50pm flight the gate agent had offered that was supposed to leave at 2:30pm. And it was still there at 2:30pm with a new departure time of 2:57pm. So I stood in line to see if I could get a seat on that flight (the number of which I can no longer remember) -- and I did. The irony that struck me as I settled into my exit-row seat with lots of leg room and no one in the seat next to me is that my original flight, the cancelled one, was scheduled to leave at 2:58pm, one minute later than the airplane I actually got on and took to LAX. So I arrived at LAX earlier than I was originally scheduled.

But the fun continued! I then got a notification while I was enroute to Los Angeles of a flight delay for a rebooked flight that I was never scheduled to be on at all (to my knowledge, at least)! And, if you read the notice carefully (compared to the first six), you'll notice that it has no departure time or gate. Perhaps it is the phantom flight in United's alerting system, kind of a ghost flight.

Monday, October 27, 2008 3:33 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT REBOOKING MESSAGE **

Dear ALSOP / STEWART MR II,

We regret to inform you that a delay has affected the following flight(s):

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 886

Operated By: United Airlines

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles (LAX)

Date: October 27

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But that wasn't enough! I also got a notification, time stamped at exactly the same time as the ghost notification, that the flight I was actually rebooked on but had abandoned in favor of the one of I was on when I got the notification (are you following this?) had been delayed another 21 minutes. When I landed at LAX and got this notification, I could only thank my lucky stars that I had hopped on the earlier late flight!

Monday, October 27, 2008 3:33 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT UPDATE MESSAGE **

The following flight time has been revised:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 119

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

Gate: 70 (Gate is subject to change)

Estimated Departure Time: 5:42 p.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight times are subject to change. Please check the flight information monitors at the airport.

Then, to cap it off, after I had checked into my hotel and plugged my computer in before going to dinner (on time!), I got one last notification that the 3:58pm flight had been delayed again to depart at 6:03pm. I made it to dinner before that flight left the gate at SFO.

Monday, October 27, 2008 5:34 PM

** UNITED AIRLINES FLIGHT UPDATE MESSAGE **

The following flight time has been revised:

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight Number: 119

Departing From: San Francisco California (SFO)

Traveling To: Los Angeles International (LAX)

Date: October 27

Gate: 70 (Gate is subject to change)

Estimated Departure Time: 6:03 p.m.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Flight times are subject to change. Please check the flight information monitors at the airport.

As you can see, this was too delicious to leave undocumented. A total of nine travel alerts from United Airlines in the space of a little more than five hours and the only one that actually alerted me to something I didn't know was the original cancellation notice. I could come up with some kind of moral about alerting systems and computer intelligence or the power of programming, but I'll leave that up to smarter people. I just feel better for having shared!

Maybe I Need More Than Luck WIth Comcast

Okay, the service tech showed up only an hour after the four hour window for my appointment ended. But he installed my voice service and briefed me on what to expect and was both friendly and competent. And now I have Comcast Voice, the third piece of the Triple Play. And, guess what: I'm wondering why I left Vonage!

It took me 20 minutes just to establish what my Secret and my Security questions are. Yes, you need one of each for some reason, even though they come from the same list of nonsensical questions. Can you remember which is your favorite movie, so that you can get into your account a year later after you forget your password? And when they ask for my honeymoon destination, do they mean from my first or second marriage? (Who the heck came up with these questions!? What was wrong with my mother's maiden name?)

I finally get all that squared away (after very carefully writing down all my passwords and secret and security questions so I can be sure to remember what they are, which is of course the very reason you don't want to make passwords too difficult to remember because we're human beings and can't remember them!). And then I leave myself a voice message, so I can hear what it sounds like. But I can't hear the message because the system is unavailable. So then I go to voice mail setup, which requires a different password with a different security and secret question pair than my login to Comcast.net. And once I figure out how to set that up and get into voice mail, it turns out the little application for listening to voice mails through my web browser doesn't work.

So why was it that I left Vonage? Did people say that it was unreliable or that the company was in trouble because of bigger and better funded competitors, like Comcast? Huh?

Wish me luck (with Comcast?)!

I sit here in my house waiting for Comcast. The last time they were supposed to come, they didn't. That was the day after I moved in, when I wanted to make sure I had internet service and television service. Fortunately, I had my technical resource with me and he figured out how to make the service work. (Funny how Comcast really doesn't need to do a "truck roll" to make things work. Call or write if you want a referral to my ultra geek and you live in the SF Bay Area.)

In fact, now that I think about it, Comcast has not been to this house since I moved in. I hope the rep doesn't have trouble finding it!

So call me crazy: I signed up for Triple Play AFTER that experience. That means I switched my phone service from Vonage to Comcast so that I would have everything that really matters to me coming through one relatively unreliable vendor! That was a month ago. That's how long it takes to get an appointment with a Comcast technician (and how long in advance I had scheduled the appointment for the technician who never showed up).

I called this morning to confirm the appointment, since I hadn't heard a single thing from Comcast in the past month. No confirmation that my phone service has been switched; no appointment reminder; nothing. "Push 1 to hear the timing of your appointment this morning", so I pushed 1. The fellow who answered (pretty quickly), asked what I wanted and I said that I had pushed 1 to hear the time of my scheduled appointment. He confirmed that I did have an appointment this morning. I asked when; he said between 8am and noon. I observed that it was already 8:30am and asked if it was possible to get a more precise idea of when my service rep would appear. He said, "No, that's not possible. If he doesn't show up by noon, just call back and we'll get his supervisor to track him down and find out where he is."

That's really comforting. Am I really believing at this point that the Comcast technician will actually show up?

Western Union Horror Story

The customer service part of this story is bad enough, but my experience with Western Union actually scared me -- and that's not easy to do.

I wanted to send $60 as a booking fee to an individual in Buenos Aires, where we are headed in a few weeks. She asked me to use the Money In Minutes feature on www.westerunion.com. Seemed innocuous, so I plunged in.

You have to identify from what state and to what country you are sending money. Fill in personal information, including date of birth, choose a particularly strong password, choose a security question and match the captcha. (I had to come up with yet-another new password because Western Union has a different requirement than every other vendor: "Passwords must be 7 to 16 characters long and include at least one capital letter, one lower case letter, and one number.") I filled out the form, provided my debit card information (only Visa and Master Charge; does American Express know something we don't about Western Union?) and was told to call a toll-free number to complete the transaction.  Remember that all I want to do is send $60. So far, Western Union had already exceeded everything that an average e-commerce vendor requires (credit card + security numbers) or that a bank requires (strong password and a security question).

Once I got an agent, she began what I can only call an interrogation process.

*She confirmed the information I had already entered manually (leading one to wonder what the point of doing an online form was).

*She asked me the last four digits of my Social Security number. I hadn't provided that number online so she must have looked it up. Is that legal? If so, who is providing my SS# online so freely?

*She asked the security question which I had provided online.

*Then she told me that she needed to ask me four additional questions, which she was clearly asking as the questions were composed on her computer in real time. The first question was "If you had a car loan in 2003, please identify the provider of that loan from the following list of four companies" and then proceeded to name four companies and gave me the option of saying "None of the above" as the fifth choice.

I didn't recognize any of the four companies and don't remember having a car loan in 2003. (It's my normal practice to either buy cars or lease them, not to borrow money to buy them. I might have been the cosigner on someone else's car, but I don't remember.) So I told the lady that I could not honestly answer the question she was asking, that I did not know the answer to the question. And I asked her what I should do. She told me was not allowed to give me guidance and only allowed the ask the question and record my answer and could not move on to the next question unless I answered the first one.

I then entered an Orwellian nightmare, where it was not possible to move forward or backward and my only option, if I wanted to remain an honest and upstanding citizen would have been to cancel the transaction -- after 15 minutes of trying to move "Money In Minutes". She eventually transferred me to a "supervisor", but he said exactly the same words as the first lady. (Think they might have been working off a script?) So I answered "None of the above/Does not apply". I had to answer the next question the same way, because it was about a mortgage in 2003 (we switched mortgages on my last house three times and I didn't recognize which of the vendors they listed as the correct one). I answered the last two questions, whereupon the "supervisor" told me that they could not complete the transaction. I hung up in disgust and was late to my next appointment.

This is bad enough as a customer service experience. How the heck does Western Union do any business if they treat their customers with this level of hostility and rigidity? But I keep wondering: How much does this company know about me now? How do they know in real time that I had car loans and mortgages five years ago and know enough to try to trap me into giving them the wrong answer? (I looked up their privacy policy after this experience and, guess what: "We may disclose Information about current and former consumers and customers to the following types of third parties:" everybody including financial service companies, retailers, and governments. So now, even though we did not do business, Western Union has the right to share the information it did get from me with other vendors at its will.)

My conclusion: Don't ever do business with Western Union. This company has the worst privacy and consumer service policies I have ever encountered. It needs to be put out of business. And I am fearful that a company that is this incompetent knows anything about me and has any right whatsoever to do anything with that information, much less do whatever it wants to do.

I Love Frontier Airlines!

Right now, I am really rooting for them to emerge from bankruptcy. I don't know if Frontier operates at the same rank as Southwest Airlines, particularly as enumerated in Joe Nocera's column in the New York Times this morning. But Frontier scored right up there with Fish. (for regular readers of this blog). 

I flew from Denver to San Francisco yesterday on Frontier and sat in seat 21F. Frontier has a relatively new policy of being cashless, which means that if you want to buy a drink or snack, you can only do it with a credit or debit card. I bought a drink. And left my wallet in my lap, anticipating I might need it again. And then forgot about it. When we landed (on time), I stood up and walked off the plane. I didn't discover until I was home and decided to go out for dinner that I didn't have my wallet. 

Freak out! I have had two wallets -- one for cash and one for plastic -- ever since my pocket was picked in France about 20 years ago and I lost both in a foreign land at the beginning of a trip. Better, my theory goes, to lose either cash or plastic, but not both. 

With the changes in the 20 years, my life is now contained in my plastics wallet: debit card, two credit cards (personal and business), office door and parking garage key, various membership cards, and most significant, my drivers license. Cash is nice, but when you arrive home on Friday evening before Memorial Day weekend, it's not the optimal time to lose your plastic. I could drive, use the cash I had on me, and go home. But I couldn't get new cash, get into my office, or do recreational shopping. I would have to procure my passport to get on my scheduled flight on Tuesday. Once traveling, I couldn't rent a car without a drivers license and I would not be able to pay for the hotel or other expenses unless I could get replacement cards over a three-day weekend. 

So I was freaking. I called Frontier Airlines main reservation number as soon I realized I had left the wallet on the airplane. Airlines don't want you to call them these days since it's so much more expensive than getting you to do the work online. So Frontier's IVR (Interactive Voice Response) System told me I would wait 12 minutes. Meanwhile, I searched online and found that they also have a toll-free number for lost or damaged baggage and for leaving stuff on the plane. Fortunately, the lady I eventually got (in about 11 minutes; always good to exceed expectations, particularly when your customer is freaking out) gave me the direct number for Frontier's baggage office in San Francisco. I called and left a message. I also called the central lost-and-found number and left a message there. 

Then what? Suffice it to say that I didn't sleep well between leaving those messages about 8:00pm on Friday night and the next morning. How long should I wait before I start cancelling my plastic and replacing it? I have to travel on Tuesday, but I doubt I can get more than a temporary ATM card before I leave. Once I left those messages, the quality of my weekend was in the hands of Frontier Airlines and I didn't know what to expect. If it was United Airlines or any of my other favorite examples of companies that don't design for servicing customers, I would know to just start the process. 

You can tell where I'm headed with this. At 8:15am on Saturday, I got a call from Frontier Airlines in which I learned that they had found and kept my wallet. I went down to SFO and picked it up. Life is returning to normal. But I couldn't let the incident go by without saying how positive I feel about Frontier Airlines, how this experience cements the fundamental experience I've had with flying on their airplanes, using their systems and dealing with their people. 

It's Too Bad About JetBlue

I get really loyal to great companies, so much so that I'll often overlook poor treatment. I was really loyal to JetBlue, until last week.

I fell in love with the idea of JetBlue when it first showed up. Treat customers right; use technology to make service work better; stay focused on the fundamentals of flying -- more legroom, television at every seat, low cost operations, reasonable fares. At the time, my main alternative was United Airlines, bloated, arrogant, disorganized and sloppy.

Now every airline has been through hell, and those that made it have had to make themselves a lot more like JetBlue (and Southwest, the real model for low-cost airlines). And something has happened to JetBlue that means it has lost its difference and is now just another cheap airline. Perhaps it was the operations mess at JFK a few years ago, when people were stuck on JetBlue airplanes on the ground for hours waiting for gates to open up. Perhaps it is because the founder (David Neeleman) left the company and turned the leadership over to people with "better" operating experience. Perhaps it's just too hard to differentiate an airline when gas costs so much.

Last week put me over the top on JetBlue. At RDU, the lady who checked us in told us that the inbound flight was late and we might miss our connection at JFK. When we reached the gate, the same lady (an excellent representative for JetBlue, by the way) came to the conclusion that we would almost certainly miss our connection and started working on finding an alternative. We ended up switching (on our own) to a United connection through Denver (that actually got us back to SFO sooner than we were scheduled to).

The problem: JetBlue insisted that we had to check ourselves out of the flight we abandoned before they would cancel the second half of the reservation. We couldn't do that because we had already left the terminal to get to the United gate (with about 10 minutes to spare). And once they agreed to cancel the reservation, they charged so many change fees that they refunded less than half the return portion of the fare and only as a credit on future travel on JetBlue. It was clear that the attitude of the JetBlue representative was one of reluctance: reluctant to help, reluctant to provide service. But the reason we switched was because of JetBlue's airplane being late and making us miss our connection.

That attitude isn't what made me loyal to JetBlue in the first place. That attitude is pretty much what I get from United, American or any other legacy airline. (United performed exactly what they promised and treated us better than any other traveler, simply because we've flown a lot on their airline.) It feels like the accountants have taken over at JetBlue. (My apologies to the accountants reading this.) And it's hard to see one of my favorite companies lose its way and fritter away the brand loyalty it worked so hard to create in the first place.

And I Thought I Was Free!

Remember when I cut up my United Mileage Plus Visa card and celebrated by posting here? I wasn't as free as I thought!

I got a monthly statement a few days ago from United Mileage Plus (which really is Chase) more than nine months after I cancelled the card, reflecting a charge for $29.95 from a magazine renewal from "&AEP" in Thank You, NY. (The first rep did say, somewhat humorously, "Gee, I've never heard of Thank You, NY.) So I called customer service. (That's what they call it, anyway.)

The first lady I talked to, basically said that I must have subscribed because the credit card company wouldn't just charge me. So she transferred me to "Disputes".

After I sufficiently identified myself (for security purposes) to the second lady, I told her that I didn't want to dispute the charge. I told that I wasn't paying for a charge on a credit card that I didn't actually have. She began to argue with me, to talk over me when I was explaining for the fifth time that I did not order this subscription, that the card was canceled and that I did not have any legal obligation to pay for the credit card company's mistakes. She transferred me to "Fraud" right in the middle of sentence (but at least she didn't hang up, as other Chase representatives have done).

With the Fraud lady, I established some rapport. She established that I had indeed closed the account in May, 2007. (Initially, she claimed that the account had been closed in May, 2008 and then acknowledged her error.) She also reported that Chase had rejected subscriptions from People magazine (and proud of it!) and just this part week from Portfolio magazine, both of which I had on auto-renewals. So she admitted that Chase had rejected legitimate subscription renewals from well respected companies but had passed through a fraudulent charge from an unknown company with whom I had never done business. Quote: "I'm sorry, sir, but I cannot explain why this charge went through."

Doesn't it just give you enormous confidence in Chase as a credit card company? I wonder if I will ever be truly free of this incompetent organization.

American Express: Not So Free After All

Last September, I wrote a post about cutting up my "gd" United Mileage Plus card in favor of just paying American Express $400 for a platinum card. That way, I theorized, I would get the kind of service using what's known as American Express Platinum Concierge. In theory, you call a special toll-free number and they get you what you want for travel and entertainment services, which are American Express's specialties.

That's not actually how it works. You do indeed call a special toll-free number. And you do get a friendly service representative, called a concierge, usually without waiting much. But after that, it isn't what I was expecting.

1) When you call the toll-free number, you have to choose 1) for travel services or 2) for reservations and other services. If you choose 1), that service representative can't do 2) so you have be put back in the queue or call back if you want to get theater tickets in London after getting the air tickets and hotel reservations to get to London in the first place.

2) The friendly concierge for 1) is trained to do what any reasonably sophisticated traveler would do themselves to figure out how to plan the trip. For instance, I go to kayak.com to check out routes and fares and airlines, figure out what's the best and then start buying tickets. The American Express concierge does the same thing, although I suspect I get better information from kayak.com than whatever system she was using. And, here's the trick: You have to stay on the line while they're doing it. So it ends up being a race between how fast you could have done it yourself and how fast they can do it. The concierge lost the first time I tried to do this, because the service representative was not smart to understand the concept that I wanted to land in any English airport from Birmingham to London (which includes about six airports that take international flights from the US), since I would be driving from one to three hours after landing and was trying to optimize my departure city, not my arrival city.

I gave up after an hour on the phone. I was able to do the complex routing that also included flying on to Moscow and Amsterdam and back to San Francisco; it took me a couple of hours in front of my computer. But I got exactly what I wanted for a cost that was about half of what the first concierge was quoting. The concierge did not understand the concept of booking economy and upgrading with miles; did not understand that concept of landing at one airport and taking off at another (not to mention that big cities often have more than one airport); did not understand the concept of pretty much anything that an experienced flier understands from painful experience. So... I don't think I'll call American Express Platinum Concierge for travel booking again, just so I can spend twice as much time having someone who knows half as much as I do make me tell her how to do her job.

3) American Express has the concept of profiles, but they don't actually reflect the human beings they have to deal with. Bear with me: in my first experience, I learned that you can only charge to a Platinum American Express card. My trip was mixed business and personal travel and I wanted to be able to charge different pieces of it to my business American Express card and other pieces on my personal American Express card, which is the one that was Platinum. Nope, not allowed (even though the business card is also American Express!). So I upgraded the business card to Platinum, thinking that now I could get the concierge to charge some things to one and some to the other, depending on whether they are personal or business.

I called back. I had already gone and gotten all my air tickets and hotels for the trip, so now i just wanted the concierge to find a town car to take me from LGW to LGH so I can get home at the end of the trip. I also figured I could get the concierge to get me some theater tickets while I was in London earlier in the trip. Nope! Concierge 1) only deals with travel and, when requesting a town car, only is authorized to deal with two American limo companies. (That's how you earn the discounts that American Express has so thoughtfully negotiated.) So Carey Limo came back (while I was waiting on hold) with a cost of $490 -- for a 45-minute transfer between two airports! That's almost more than my Premium Economy ticket on Virgin Atlantic from LHR to SFO!

4) Then I asked about the theater tickets and Concierge 1) said I would have to talk to Concierge 2). And when I asked her to update my profile with my second Platinum card, she said that I would have to have a separate profile for the second card! I assume that means I will also have to call back each time I want to use a different card.

So what was it that I wanted? Pay $400 a year for customer service because it's got to be better than the way that United Airlines and Citibank treat me when they give me miles? Oh, well. I guess I'm just not paying enough. I hear American Express has a black card.

My Favorite Wine Store

I had a remarkable customer service experience at my favorite wine store.

I shop at K&L Wines in San Francisco. I started shopping at the original store in Redwood City when I lived there. (Apparently, they've opened a new store in Hollywood in Los Angeles, so I assume they plan to continue expanding.) The coolest thing about K&L Wines is their inventory system; go to their web site, search for a wine (which is my habit any time I encounter a really special wine), and like any other online wine store, they will tell you if they have it. But then they'll tell you how many bottles they have in each store or in their main warehouse. Order a bunch of wines and they will consolidate the order in one store so you can pick them up in one stop. (They will ship them to you too, of course.)

That's all the reasons I already shop at K&L, but I had an experience recently that needs telling. I ordered four bottles of wine for a special event. The day after I picked them up, I got an email from a fellow named Eric Story: "I was in our back room, after you left yesterday, and came across an order with your name on it dating back to April 19th. In our computer it looks as though you have picked up the wine (6 btls. 2004 Varner Pinot Noir) in July of this year." Since he still had the bottles of wine, he was wondering how the computer showed them being picked up. So he asked!

Of course, I couldn't remember picking them up but I also didn't remember drinking six bottles of Varner Pinot either. So I picked the bottles up on Friday. Even then, I forgot to print the email exchange out, couldn't remember the name of the wine or his name, but he overheard me talking to the clerk who trying to help me and produced the box with the wine in it.

Mr. Story went so far beyond the call of duty in getting me my wine, I feel motivated to post about it. I love doing business with K&L anyway: They have a huge inventory, their inventory and customer systems are designed for great service, but they must also have a great culture that allows their employees like Eric Story to treat customers as well as I've been treated. (And the Varner is really pretty good, to boot!)